Self Doubt Speeches
by Princess-Amon-Rae
Summary: "We need to talk," Lizzie said as she swung herself into a bar seat and plunked down her bag on the bar in front of Andy. "We do?" He asked slowly. Post Season 1 Episode 13 Dylan, Andy and Lizzie have some conversations about Self Doubt in certain authors lives. A Fic for CBS' TV show Instinct.


"We need to talk," Lizzie said as she swung herself into a bar seat and plunked down her bag on the bar in front of Andy. Andy raised his eyebrow up at Lizzie.

"We do?" He asked slowly. Lizzie nodded and beamed at him, like she was about to blindside him, and she knew it.

"We do," Lizzie confirmed with a head nod. Andy sighed and set a glass of water in front of her.

"What about?" He had practice with reading Dylan, but Lizzie was new, and she had different tells so Andy had no idea where she was going with this conversation.

"Dylan." Andy's heart split into two warring factions; the side still angry with him about the home interview and the side that was suddenly very terrified. The latter half must have been bigger because Lizzie continued quickly. "He'd fine physically. Mentally, he's still beating himself up over the home interview. And yes, he told me, and I hope that you don't find that too much of a privacy invasion."

"I don't," Andy said, and Lizzie beamed at him again, so Andy mentally braced himself.

"Good. Then you won't mind me playing both sides because Dylan implied some things at work that I think you should know." Andy made a gesture for her to continue. "He's terrified."

"Dylan's terrified? Of fatherhood?" Andy clarified, because Dylan has wanted to be a father since he was around seven and him being terrified didn't match up. Lizzie tilted her head to one side.

"Of getting it wrong." Andy must have made a confused face because Lizzie got a look on her face like she wasn't expecting to have to spell it out for him. "You had amazing wonderful loving parents who gave you great examples. All Dylan has is an example of what not to be."

"That seems like a good start. Knowing what not to be," Andy said slowly, and Lizzie's face twisted sympathetically.

"Have you ever told him that? Because I know he's probably smarter than both you and I combined, but that doesn't exclude him from being weak to insecurities. Especially considering his father." And there was the blindsiding. Andy was starting to think that maybe he and Lizzie should switch spots as he pressed his palms against the top of the bar.

"Now I'm not saying that he deliberately messed up that interview because he never would, but his insecurities probably put him on edge which made that big brain of his work overtime. What I am saying is that you should maybe talk about it."

"Dylan would be impressed with that speech," Andy said dumbly, and Lizzie smirked slightly as she swirled her ice cubes around in her glass.

"Thanks! Now promise me you'll talk about it."

"I promise we'll talk about it." Lizzie gave him a lovely, soft smile before she perched up on her chair and leaned across the bar to press a kiss to his cheek.

"Good." Andy watched her walk out of the bar before he shook his head to clear it slightly.

"Christ Dylan's rubbing off on her."

XXXX

"We need to talk," Dylan said firmly in the exact same tone as Lizzie had in the bar a few hours earlier as he reached forward and stopped the auto play from starting the next swaddling video and shifted away from Andy slightly.

"Christ they're rubbing off on each other," Andy muttered, and Dylan frowned.

"Who's rubbing off on each other?" Dylan asked.

"You and Lizzie. She said the exact same thing to me in the exact same tone not four hours ago." Dylan frowned at that.

"Why did you and Lizzie need to talk?" Dylan asked, and Andy sighed tiredly. He'd been hoping to digest his and Lizzie's conversation just a tiny bit more, but that was apparently not to be.

"She wanted to make sure that we talked, and she offered me some insight into your psyche." Dylan crossed his arms in an intrigued way and tilted his head to the side.

"Really? What kind of insight?"

"She said that you're terrified of fatherhood in the sense that you're terrified to get it wrong."

"Lizzie's right. I am terrified to get it wrong." Andy shifted awkwardly on the couch as he tried to determine whether Dylan wanted physical contact or not.

"Dylan," Andy said.

"I'm flighty. I've got three jobs right now, that isn't exactly a good start for a committed father, one of those jobs involves me putting myself voluntarily in harms way on a regular basis. And then there's the job I did before. Not exactly something that looks great on an adoption application." Dylan took a deep breath and pushed forward before Andy could interject. "Her little 'Oh' just hit me with the knowledge that our child is going to have to put up with that for years and I was suddenly caught wondering if that was fair. But how could giving up at the first sign on difficulty be fair to you or me or anything?"

"How long have you been bottling this up?" Andy asked slowly, he was feeling decidedly more blindsided now than he had been at the bar. Dylan gave a sad smile and shook his head slightly.

"I honestly don't know. And that was without a single mention of my father," Dylan answered self deprecatingly. Andy lunged across the distance between them and caught Dylan's hands in his.

"Hey okay firstly, I think we're even on the job thing considering I quit a law practice to run a bar. Doesn't look great on an application for anything. And honestly the fact that you have thought about all of this shows that you are ready. We are ready, but we have to do it together and that means that we have to be on the same page." Andy reached one hand up to the back of Dylan's neck and dragged him forward so that he could rest his forehead on Dylan's. Dylan smiled and looked at him with eyes full of love.

"What would I do without you?" Dylan asked, and Andy smiled.

"I don't know, but I need you to promise me that you won't bottle stuff up like this anymore." Dylan reached up with his free hand and wrapped it around Andy's wrist.

"I promise, my love. I promise."


End file.
